As a nurse, there are certain things that I pray for every time I go to work. And yes, there are even mistakes that I pray for - Being that I am human and that I work in an industry that relies on the human intellect to accomplish healing in a human body, there are plenty of opportunities to make human errors. It is inevitable that at various points in my career I will make at least a few mistakes. I pray that those mistakes will be minor ones, that no harm will come to anyone and that I will be able to mentally and emotionally get beyond them. As hard as it is to make a mistake, sometimes it takes me weeks, if not months to work through them in my head. The art of practicing medicine is not perfect, and neither is the art of nursing - it changes with time, with people, with relationships, with information, with study and with practice.
Today I made a mistake in my practice - it was mostly a communication error and thankfully it did not cause 'harm' to anyone. But, it sticks in me. I tumbles and flickers in my brain, repeating itself over and over. It causes me to question my abilities, to realize my weaknesses and to face embarrassment at making a mistake and feel very vulnerable on a unit that I still have yet to feel a part of 'medically' as well as 'socially'. It makes me angry that I'm still trying to figure out how to think, communicate and function in stressful situations, that I haven't figured that out yet. I re-visit that question of why I continue to work in an industry that sometimes frightens me. Am I stronger, yes. Am I crazier, yes. Am I worried about the next mistake I'll make, yes! But, despite that, I need to get back up, dust off my skinned pride and I will continue to pray for mistakes ...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
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4 comments:
Kim, you are awesome. The fact that the possibility for error is in the forefront of your mind makes you a better nurse. Hang in there! I can imagine the stress especially after seeing the ups and downs of my friend's preemie, but I would feel much more confidant if I knew you were the nurse looking out for my baby. :)
Ah, Kim. I totally understand that fear. Even as "just" a mother, I pray that my mistakes won't scar my children.
And you continue with your career because you are good at it, right? Your mistakes are rare.
Don't be too hard on yourself, Kimi. You are AMAZING. In fact - and I am NOT making this up - as I was going through the grocery store on Tuesday picking up this and that, I was thinking about a few recipes that I was getting ingredients for. Recipes that came from YOU. -The Italian marinara for one. I was remembering how I used to buy Ragu spaghetti sauce. ICK! But I didn't know any better... until Kimi came along. And then I thought of our talks, our walks and the many ways that you lifted and inspired me... Telling me how I should take a class - I have (again) -I finished my associates degree, and have written 2 children's books and dozens of poems - not yet published - but YOU were the impetus behind those decisions. To MAKE something of myself. To DO something! And now I'm currently in a writing class to LEARN how to get published! Yay! And then I remembered that you were in Indiana. And although this saddened me a bit, I realized that I was still a better person for having met you. You are a GEM.
You are an incredible person.
Don't beat yourself up over this. Learn from your very small mistake and then keep moving forward.
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