Parenting

It's overwhelming - parenting.
Both J.D. and I think sometimes that we must have been delusional when we thought raising children would be fun, or maybe just plain ignorant, because most days we just look at each other, raise our eyebrows and say any ideas?!

Recently I've struggled a little bit with feeling happy as a mom.  I don't think I'm depressed - because I can be really, incredibly happy ... when all my kids are at school and the house is clean and quiet there is definitely joy in my life!  But, I have a hard time being happy with the chaos, amidst the whining, screaming and fighting that regularly occurs within as well as outside my home ...  yes, I'm sure my neighbors are well aware of my failings as a parent.  But, maybe I shouldn't look at it that way, maybe I should look at it as a willingness to be free with our true nature - that is my children's true nature.  Seriously, if I have learned anything from my children, we have nothing to hide over here and even if we did, there is no way I could keep it under wraps and still let my children lead normal lives and see the sunshine!  I sometimes feel like all I say is no, no, no and no,  stop it, shhhh, did you hear me?, what did I ask you to do?, do you want to sit in time out? really?! are you really hitting your sister? is that appropriate? what did you say!?! can you please stop yelling!, do you want to lose (fill in privilege)?, we don't (hit, scream, jump on furniture, etc.)  Sounds like a lot of fun at my house, huh!?

Speaking of fun and getting back to that happiness thing, I had a moment of realization tonight that might help me figure this out, or maybe not, I have yet to determine whether it will, but it was a light bulb moment for me and I thought I'd write it down.  As we were having family night (every Monday we attempt to have a sometimes spiritual, usually value/moral themed lesson from the scriptures, or church leaders and learn together as a family) and my children were behaving as usual, one in particular bouncing off the walls, literally, even with repeated attempts to calm, re-direct and reprimands to help her pay attention, and show respect and listen - her ADD tendencies were in full force.  All efforts were not working and I thought, 'I am not happy because I'm trying so hard to get her to listen through discipline that I can't break any of the rules, ever. I can't have 'fun' because I'm afraid to justify a behavior that I'll have to correct later.  She is so smart when it comes to her parents and discipline that if I give an inch anywhere, at anytime, she'll take the whole next 10 miles and then some.'  I've got to let that go.  I've got to enjoy and be happy despite my desire for her to be obedient.  Otherwise I will be the mean old momma that never smiled with my kids.  Discipline, although I'm a true believer and practicing parent in that aspect of parenting, isn't always the answer.  It may be a tool, but it isn't the tool box and I need to pull out some more tools.

What are those tools?  Really, I'm not sure.  I keep having these glimpses or experiences of 'love', total, unselfish, unconditional love that I think is probably the answer, but it is hard for me to grasp it and hold onto it long enough to really make a difference with it as a parent.  There are definitely moments of it with my children, probably more with them than in any other relationship I've ever had, but it still is hard for me to be consumed by that when I'm 'parenting' or 'disciplining' - especially in the heat of the 'I can't believe you just did that, moment'.  There is such a drive for control in parenting, but sometimes I wonder if the secret lies not in control, but it letting go of the control and just loving, and relying on something much more powerful than my own selfish desire for control.

Ok, there are some deep thoughts.  Not sure I'll ever really figure out this parenting thing, but I do know that my life is full of joy because of my children.  Even if I don't feel it until they are gone at school some days, the reason I feel it is because of them.  They may make me crazy, but they also give me meaning, purpose and direction, a reason to work hard, sacrifice and become who they need their mom to be. I had no idea how much growing occurred in motherhood - hopefully in the process of my growing, my children will grow and become who they need to be too.

Big D's Can Do Attitude

 Big D can do soccer ... His dad has been giving him tips, like kicking the ball far, running hard and saying 'soccer in your face' when trying to take it from the other team ... it makes me laugh when he says it - don't worry, he's too shy to say it during a game, he really loves playing.

 Big D can do pre-school too!  He loves it - and is learning to write his name.

 He can write it everywhere!  Including his bedroom door!  I came out of the bathroom to him writing this the other morning, on both sides of the door.  He was so excited to show me, he said, "now everyone will know that this is MY room!"  I was so proud of myself - I didn't get mad, I even took a picture and and told him what a good job he did on his letters, and them reminded him calmly that we don't write on the walls or doors ... and his face just crumpled and he started to cry.  I felt so bad - so after he helped me clean it off, we got some paper and wrote it again, to put on BOTH sides of the door.

He can also make mountains ... marshmallow mountains!  It was the week to learn about 'white' and the letter 'M', so it was the perfect activity.  He wanted to take it everywhere we went today to show everybody his mountain.

He can also do puzzles - he is amazing at puzzles.  Even the neighbor has noticed his ability.  Maybe we'll have to get a few more ... 

 

Turkey Run

 It was a goal of mine to get at least one campout in this summer. I figured with J.D. a scoutmaster we ought to be able to go camping at least once this summer as a family! 

So, despite having a week before and a Friday FULL of work and several other important tasks ... haircut, grocery shopping, preschool running ... we were determined to get out the door and go.  Not really my style, as I like to plan, but we literally threw everything in the car and just left for Turkey Run (State Park about an hour west of us).  Every time we try to plan to camp it rains, is 100+ degrees, or somebody gets sick!  Amazingly we had what we needed, the food was even yummy and it was much needed time, although not very long (just under 24 hours), away from the rat race of home.

 The kids had a blast.  Smores, hot dogs, star gazing, head lamp hunting, sword fighting in the firelight, tin foil dinner, tent sleeping, noisy campground, staying up until midnight, getting up at the crack of dawn ...

 It was fabulous!  The next morning we went to Turkey Run State Park and did some hiking ... awesome is all I have to say about that place.  Ok, well also, amazing!

 The kids.

Me and J.D. 


100% family, 100% fun, we really need to do this again.

Home Alone!

Today is a milestone. Big D is at preschool and I'm not at work!  Yea!!!  It's just me.  I miss him -  he loves to have lunch with me, to run errands (most of the time - as long as it doesn't involve clothes) and take cat naps in the afternoon, or that is, quietly watch Blue's Clues while I take a cat nap.  Is he really that old?  Has time really passed by that quickly?  But, he is in LOVE with preschool, and it was long overdue.  He is so proud to be old enough to have a backpack and go to a school that we drive past.  Every time we go past he says with a very confident smile, and a raise of the eyebrows, 'That's my school!'. 

So, I'm home alone. Amazing! I keep finding myself looking over my shoulder, or pausing and trying to remember where Big D went ... and then it hits me, he's at preschool! I miss him, but I'm enjoying time to just BE. Just be me - finishing up a project, or starting several, cleaning the house, weeding the yard, thinking about dinner, shopping at the store, sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing, just me without responsibility for a few hours - no work, no kids, no husband. It's a good thing.

Our neighbors are moving ... only a couple more weeks.  I am going to miss them, and so are my children!  Miss Lilly got a new bedroom set from them.  She is loving it.   She has a nicer bedroom than I do ...

And, did you know that JCPenny is giving kids free haircuts during the month of August?!  All you have to do it make an appointment!
Well, we went yesterday ... they all needed them badly!

And now they all look so grown up to me!  I kept looking at Master S - they cut his hair kinda like the boys have it cut in 'Leave it to Beaver'.  Anyone remember that show?  Anyway, it looks good on him, just throws me.  And Miss Lilly cut off inches!  AHHH!  It does look super cute though!

1st Day of School!

 If Master S looks a little tired ... he is!  After a whole day at Holiday World with some good friends on Tuesday, we was invited to another smaller waterpark in Carmel with them on Wednesday.  After meet and greet with the teachers last night at school it was bright and early today when he had to get out of bed.  Nothing like leaving summer break with a bang!

 Big D, Miss Lilly and I went to see a free showing of "The Lorax" for our last day of summer.  Cute movie at a great little theater in Danville (The Royal).

 Can't believe how big they seemed this morning.  This is Master S' last year before Middle School!  AHHHH!  And Big D starts preschool in a few weeks.  'Enjoy the moment' is my mantra right now.  On my calendar for the month there is this quote ... "It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis."  Which speaks to me of the need to focus on the things you can do now and the joy you can feel now ... not when you get paid more, or live in a bigger house or the kids are finally getting up on their own or making their own lunches.  Easy to say - so hard to do!

Staying Cool

 Went to the library today, in efforts to stay out of the heat.  We are wilting ... stopped at Walmart for something cool to eat.  Found some fun frozen juice flavors and made some smoothies! 

 Just blend some ice, a little water and a couple spoonfuls of froxen juice concentrate ...

 YUM!

Also made some shrinky dinks ... haven't done that in forever - super fun!

Birthday Trip

My Birthday was extra special this year ... I got to see my brother and his delightful family!  We met in Cleveland, OH as it was exactly the same distance for both of us to travel ... I think we've found some great places the check out in future 'meet in the middle' reunions.  The kids had a blast with their cousins and I really did have a  fabulous birthday! 

Our first stop was Kirtland, OH.  I had never been there and it is a significant place for us, as it is a historic place for the LDS church.  The first temple was built there, although it is no longer owned by the church.  The school of the prophets was held in the upper rooms of the N.K. Whitney store.  It was a beautiful place and it was great to cross it off my 'list'.

We also went to the 'beach' on Lake Erie -- those pictures are on J.D.'s phone though and I'll post them later.  I think the kids thought that was the best part of the whole trip!  Sand, sun and water.  For lunch, my sister-in-law surprised me and got a cake for me :)  That night we got tickets to a Cleveland Indians game, which was GREAT!  Plus they had fireworks and music from the Beatles ... for 30 minutes following the game - the perfect birthday gift!   

 Sunday we got the kids dressed and went to church - tried to get a picture ... how do you get six kids to hold still all at once?!?

 On the way home ... All in all a fabulous way to spend a birthday!